The Face Of Lazy

I’m sitting on a salon chair about to steam my hair for 3,000 Naira, something I never did when I was in Nottingham. Heck, I don’t think I ever went to a proper salon while I was there. I washed my weaves on my head myself, straightened, blow dried and I think I even relaxed it myself or asked a friend to (that was before I decided I wanted to go au naturel. A decision that didn’t last for more than 4/5 months (lol). The hair was too hard abeg). Now I go to the salon for the smallest of things. All of a sudden I can’t take my weaves out myself again. I can’t take my nail polish off my toes and re-paint myself, I can’t even wash my natural hair myself. It all just looks like too much work. I’ve found myself with the terrible mentality of my money can handle all things.

I have a cleaning lady who comes whenever I beckon. I have a “washer-man” who does a fantastic job with my clothes and is also VERY well behaved and dare I say godly? He’s not one of those dodgy ones that don’t pick calls when clothes aren’t ready. He’ll pick my call, apologise profusely and give a sensible, believable reason why my clothes aren’t ready for pick up. He’s a good person. I’ll recommend him all day everyday if need be.

Back to my money issue, I haven’t cooked in ages. Once I have a healthy, life-sustaining lunch at work, I find myself uninterested in food when I get home in the evening. Last last, I’ll stop over at one of the tens of eateries on my way home or do suya, asun, shawarma or any of those ijekujes which are reasonably priced. At weekends, I find myself waking up late and drinking Ribena with my Crackers or TUC while I watch a movie, “browse” or read a novel or mag. If I get too hungry or a friend says s/he’s coming over I simply order something from somewhere.

I’ve never attempted to wash my car myself, contrary to my friend who moved back from the States. Saturday morning and she’s in her bum shorts and tank top climbing her car, with music blasting from it, washing and wiping like she was born to do just that. I on the other hand have a very faithful boy at work who makes my car sparkle (inside out) for just N400 *insert huge grin*.

*Insert straight face* I’m beginning to think I’m part of the Nigerian problem. Just like several people I see around me, I’ve seen money as a means of escape from work and responsibility. How did I get here?

Truth be told I’ve seen my 1,000 or 500 Naira silence people who should be talking. I’m usually on the right side of the law so I’m not talking giving bribes to police men or any other law official. Mba but this one too has it’s own comma in a way. Classic example:

“Aunty you can’t park here, it’s for customers”- security guard

“Please now, the staff car park for this your branch is too far and I’m working from this branch today. Oga please” then I say the magic words, “Don’t worry, I will “see” you”.

Selah

Does that count as bribe? My one car parked there for just one day won’t affect customers now…

I’m part of the problem right?

No cooking, no cleaning, no washing, no all of the things I used to gladly do for a year and a half and even before and shortly after. I used to cook correct soup for my ex o. Chai. Toinlicious, it is NOT about cooking and cleaning, trust me.

I need to get my skewed mentality back on track…

In other news

Wussup with Mo’nique’s weight loss? I didn’t even know how to feel when I read about it and saw her pictures. I like seeing people take charge of their lives and all but didn’t she constantly encourage phat girls to embrace themselves and not see anything wrong with how they looked? Does this mean that she was secretly unhappy with herself and was just putting up a front? … Maybe she got a result of a medical test and her doctor warned her about her weight or something. I’ve learned from this. In life, do you! Your role model or mentor may become something/someone else tomorrow. Make sure you have a solid reason for doing whatever you decide to do. Don’t do stuff because someone else is doing it and/or encouraging you to do it.

Here’s hoping we all have a beautiful week.

Before y’all leave I’d like you to put your left hand on your right shoulder and your right hand on your left shoulder. Now squeeeeze. That’s me giving you a hug *wink*.

<a

Mayday

Hi everyone,

My first real post in a while. I’m sorry I left without notice. I know how it is to come to your favourite blog every day looking for something fresh and running into Jesus and the adulterous woman every time. You’ll be like, “these people are still here?!?!?! I thought they had settled the problem?” Sorry guys.

I went through a bout of depression and couldn’t bring myself to read or write any blogs. It seems like a distant past now but I was in a not-so-deep black hole for a minute. The most interesting book in the world (in my opinion) talks about finding treasures in darkness. I got a bit of wisdom going through that phase. It’s not the first time I’ll be depressed for an extended period of time but I pray now that it would be the last.*Lord please help me snap out of any depressing thought that comes my way as soon as possible. Let the sun not set before I snap out of it, in Jesus name. Amen* I’ve come to the conclusion that I don’t have the answers to everything but I can have peace through everything if I just stay connected.

Ok o, as per my MAYDAY title… Ladies and Gentlemen I’m afraid my anonymity has been compromised. I figured this a while ago to be honest but what depression does is make you think about every aspect of your life and PICK OUT ANYTHING AT ALL that can increase the depression or cause tears to continue the dance down your face. So I thought about all the people I was certain knew about this blog and my identity and wondered if I should keep writing. There are many things I would have loved to share but I keep remembering Atilola’s post (yes I’m calling you out Atilola (lol)) about our blogs not being our diaries and us being careful what we put out for the world to see so I just gracefully locked my thoughts in my head and refused to pen them. Maybe I will in the near future though cos I believe people seek advice on their blogs. If I was raped and I was too ashamed to tell people around me, I may decide to share it on my blog to get the sympathy that I’m craving for and the advice I need as well. Now if 15 years down the line, someone brings that up to mock or taunt me, that’s the person’s business. If it becomes public knowledge, I KNOW there would be people who would never stigmatise me but the important thing is that I got the attention and help when it mattered most.

I’d just like to crave everyone’s indulgence to give every other person A BREAK!! I mean, it’s bad enough going through our individual struggles and carrying our daily crosses. To now have people pointing fingers and judging, it just makes things worse. If that gist is not going to edify anyone, let it end with you. You don’t have to spread the gist cos in this case Gist = Gossip. Just try to put yourself in the person’s shoes. EVERYONE has at least ONE flaw. There’s no perfect person. People do things they regret doing later. Why hold them to it for the rest of their lives? Many of these people need help and attention and not condemnation. I know some people don’t make it easy for themselves but please let’s just try not to throw stones. Let’s remember our shortcomings at times like these and make excuses for people. Pray for them instead of gossiping. If it is not going to impact your life in any way and you cannot be bothered to pray for the person, then find a way to forget the “gist” and move on with your life. There are just too many gbeboruns* around. Gosh… N.B- I am not perfect.

Anyway, I’m ok now. No longer depressed. I’m but a branch and I’ve clung steadfastly to The Vine, my personal Source of all things good.

Once again I think people should be free to say whatever they want to say on their blogs without fear of condemnation. I pray for wisdom for all of us.

As per me not being so anonymous anymore, I think I’ll just keep writing and maybe one day I’ll do a “coming out” post where I plaster my pictures all over the post and tell you what primary and secondary school I went to and when I had my first period. It doesn’t get more personal than that now, does it?

Till then, I’ll keep smiling with y’all who know about me and my blog but pretend like you don’t and I won’t say a word

It’s going to be a fantastic week people, I feel it in my toes!!

*gbeboruns- gossips

Open Letter To My Friend

My dear friend,

I watched you get married today and my eyes opened. I saw you marry your friend. I saw you happy beyond words and I knew I just had to write something to you. You are truly favoured. No one else saw what I saw how I saw it so no one can feel how I felt. I watched you get married today and I realised that it’s really true that two are better than one. God ordained the joining of a man to a woman because neither would be truly fulfilled without the other! I know Paul said he would prefer if we do not marry so we could face the work of God but God, Who has the final say said it’s not good for man to be alone.

Many weeks ago, I saw you fret. I saw fear in your eyes, I saw you doubt and I asked myself then that does this girl really know what she has? Madam, let me make it clear to you, you have a GOOD MAN. I said it then and I’m saying it again. There are many boys out there but you got a MAN and there are many men out there but you got a GOOD ONE. I’ve heard some of your conversations with him,I’ve spoken to him myself, you’ve even told me about one or two fights you had and in all these all I see is a good man. One who is humble enough to devote part of his time to doing something for God. One who is humble enough to ask you to be his help-meet for the rest of his life. I listened to his speech today and the very first thing he said was thank you to you for saying, “Yes” to him. If you didn’t know this before, I’m telling you now, God loves you and He has given you a good man.

When doubts come, when uncertainties arise, when you look at him and you feel the need to ask yourself why you got married, I want you to know that you have what many ladies want. Seriously, remind yourself that T said I have what many people want and say to yourself, “I am with the right man”. I instantly wanted my own companion during the ceremony today. I’ve been to many weddings where all I did was dance and eat and go home to continue the movie I’d stopped halfway but yours was different. I drove home thinking. I got home and prayed.

I’m writing this cos I want you to value what you have. I want you to treat him like someTHING of great value. Yes something. You know how you treated your car when you just got it. Treat him like that everyday. Find the zeal. Like you fill the tank of the car when necessary, fill his tank. Let him hunger for nothing.

This letter is not to advise you cos I have no experience, it’s just to let you know that you have a good thing. Please treat it right. And the peace of the Almighty will fill your heart and mind. He will teach you and fill you with wisdom. The Proverbs 31 woman will have nothing on you as He begins to bless and teach you. Soon when we google Proverbs 31 your name, address and phone number will come up with the question, “Why read this when you have a living example among you?” Your life will be a testimony my friend in Jesus name.

I wish you all the beautiful things marriage has to offer.

Peace.

What Ryhmes With Fries?

I’ve been bad, very bad! How could I just disappear like that? No explanation, nothing. I just upped and disappeared. I apologise. It’s been a roller-coaster period. I got selected at work to go for a course in Singapore. One whole month in that place and I was sold! I’m still trying to see who I can talk to into getting me their passport. Fantastic culture, delicious food, clean streets, beautiful people. I felt a little closer to heaven in that place.

I met some major government people there. They seem to all have heard only nice things about Nigeria. A few of them talked about how much they loved Jollof rice and Plantain and one particular person kept talking about suya. It was really really nice, I tell you. My hotel was AH-MAZING!! I can’t even begin to describe it further. I seemed to sleep and wake up with a smile every morning. Beautiful people, beautiful!

I’m going back at the end of the month. This time for 3 months. By the time I get back I’ll be greeting and asking you questions in their language!

Thank you for the many check ups. I really appreciate them.

P.S- What ryhmes with fries? Lies!! I didn’t go to any Singapore. Hehehe

*Mic Check* First Verse Only. Sing!!

Been long you saw me

Dem say everybody looking for me

Been at work, I’ve been making my money

Now I know say you really “adore” me

For those wey no love me

Don’t expect me to say sorry

Make you no dull me

Make you drop some comments for me, for me…

BRB!

*wink*

Emotionally Dependent People (EDP)

I heard this phrase for the first time late 2011 or early last year. I could identify with it. I was honest with myself one day and realised that I was so used to having at least one “special” person in my life at any given point. This in itself is not bad, no man is an island but when the person is able to dictate your feelings or emotions there’s a problem. That is why I went into a deep dark hole, close to the abyss when I had a crisis with my appointed special one. I realised (myself and with the help of some of you) that what I had with the person wasn’t balanced. One of the deepest comments for me was the one that said something about relationships not being about seeking the other person’s approval. I knew then that that was what I had been doing all along. Seeking some form of approval.
Today I googled “emotionally dependent people” (EDP) and I came across different articles (as expected). The umbrella word for EDP is Dependent Personality Disorder (DPD).

*Note that people can be dependent on other people or on substances*

Live and Learn

Some people are incapable of emitting warmth. Icy doesn’t begin to describe their persona and the aura around them. They smile with their lips but not with their eyes. They are not worth your thoughts. Don’t kill yourself trying to get them to understand you and don’t ever let them get to you.

People with a complex, an inferior one, who hide in their shells, have very few friends and “fewer” social skills will many times be envious of you if you’re vocal, have good social skills and light up any room you walk into. Such people would not hesitate to kill your spark, turn off your lights, pour water on your fire and cover the smoke with a blanket. Don’t let them. They are envious kill-joys who wish they had your spunk.

There are those whose loyalty will never be to you. Who will always support the other side. Accept that.

There are caucuses that will never accept you. There are gatherings you just cannot fit into because you are different. Misery seeks company and miserable people feed off each others energy. Stay away from them. You speak a different language.

Then there are those who see your flaws and love you regardless, remembering that they have flaws themselves. These are the ones who correct you with love, rejoice with you, mourn with you and wish you well from the bottom of their heart. Appreciate those ones. There a just a few of them (compared to the total number of people you know) so identifying and appreciating them shouldn’t be too hard.

Keep your circle small.

Everyone cannot like you. True but everyone cannot hate you either. Remember that.

Not everyone is interested in your problems. Be wise in sharing and not all doors are meant to be left open. Shut the ones that let in strays. Certain people have no business being ranked as important in your life.

Oh, I almost forgot some people will find it difficult to respect you (as a lady) if you aren’t married or at least in a steady relationship once you are of a “marriageable age”. Apparently marriage brings with it honour that single ladies should not expect.

I tried to upload Kenny Rogers’ Gambler song but it was being long.

Big kiss

Jobs & Fears

I had time to think during my leave. Very little time, but it counts! I don’t like my job. It’s no secret to many people. I find it depressing and unfulfilling. There’s no zeal when I wake up in the morning and there’s no… sense of love. Normal people stay in proper 9-5 jobs for different reasons, most of which are fear based. The fear of many things is also one of the reasons I haven’t left this job either. What if I’ll be making a mistake if I leave? What if I don’t make it in whatever I decide to do next? Another reason is I actually need to be very certain about what it is I want to do. I have to have a plan and I do! I’m just scared. So I guess it’s just fear really.

This doesn’t have to be a long post right? So the excessive thinking I’m doing now to put words together to make this long is not necessary. I just thought to share that I don’t like my job. I’m thinking of moving into an industry that I KNOW can easily get me carried away. I don’t want to get carried away… I really want to make heaven. I’m already struggling as it is. I had dreams recently though (me and my dreams) that I was mingling with top people in that industry. I think I should dedicate a month or so to really praying and talking to the right people about it.

Is everyone loving their job? #justcurious

Things to Do When Someone is Staring at You

Reblogged from Write On:

People like to stare at you for a number of reasons. They like the way you look, they don't like the way you look, you have something on your face, etcetera. I found myself in this somewhat awkward situation not long ago, as I was standing in line at the bank to deposit a rather puny check of mine. I felt the eyes of another crawling up and down my frame, from the corner to the left of me.

Read more… 338 more words

Forget being squeamish and uncomfortable when someone stares at you. Nicole is here with several funny/cool/cute things you can do. Feel free to suggest more and don't forget to thank her :)

Holidays Are Made In Heaven

They definitely are! I had so much fun and the memories still get me smiling at random times. One proverb haunted and taunted me for a while though, “A fool and his money are easily parted.” I don’t have it in me to call myself a fool but my money and I were eeeeasily parted. It’s almost like I went crazy. Should I be ashamed? But it’s not every time this happens… I’m not ashamed… Ok I am, a bit.

England was cold. I spent less than 60 hours there though. According to my friend, I just went to stamp my passport lol. The snow and cold were not very friendly. They added to the suffering I went through. It wasn’t serious suffering sha but still. Ok, let me explain the suffering.

I flew Emirates so my trip was Lagos-Dubai-London-Dubai-Lagos. The suffering was on the Dubai-London leg.The flight was rerouted to Gatwick Airport cos Heathrow had to reduce their activities by 20% because of the snow (I still don’t get why they make a big deal of this same snow every year). Anyway, from Gatwick they got us on a bus (like school children) to Heathrow. Dragging two boxes and my bag didn’t make it very pleasurable. I was cold and tired and that’s when I began to ask myself if that trip was really necessary. It was all worth it when I saw my friends, though.